Men and boys also suffer sexual abuse. They are learning to ask for help

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – The silence of men was the capsule that trapped him in his own story, but on the other hand, even after a long time, it helped him find meaning to resignify the traumatic experience of his youth.

“I thought I was the only man who had been a victim of sexual violence. I only sought help in my 30s,” says Ângelo Fernandes, founder of Quebrar o Silêncio, an association that welcomes adolescents and adult males who have suffered sexual abuse. In four years of operation, the entity based in Portugal has received almost 400 requests for help from victims with a similar path as its president.

Ângelo was 10 years old when he was molested for several months by a person close to his family. He kept the trauma a secret until he went to live in Manchester, England, where he met Survivors Manchester, a group that provides psychological support to men impacted by sexual violence. “It took me too long to assimilate what happened to me. But I kept thinking, ‘What if I was still in Lisbon? Who would I turn to?’ So I decided to go back and create an association in Portugal,” he says.

Just like its English counterpart, Quebrar o Silêncio offers support to victims and their families, besides working with abuse prevention and raising awareness to break down the myths that make denunciations impossible.

The main one is to deconstruct homophobia around masculinity. “Men feel a lot of shame and even guilt about sexual abuse,” says Angelo. “Something aggravated by gender stereotypes, such as the legends that men who are men can’t seek support, have to solve their problems alone. Many of those who come to us are heterosexual,” he comments.

“They are afraid that the abuse will be associated with their sexual orientation. Then, in the middle of the therapeutic process, they realize that one thing has nothing to do with the other.”

In Brazil, there is still no specific shelter institution for male victims of sexual abuse. However, cases of media repercussion have been exposed in a few drops. In April last year, comedian Marcelo Adnet, 39, revealed that he had been abused twice in his childhood. The first time, when he was 7, by a caretaker of the farm where he spent vacations. Then, at 11, by an older friend of his family.

“It took more than 25 years to think about touching that subject publicly. There are several layers of pain to deal with,” Adnet recalled in an interview with the GNT channel. “Since I wasn’t to blame, it’s a scar on my life, but today I’m not ashamed to talk about something where I was the victim. We have to normalize and encourage reporting. Being abused is not a crime.”

According to the latest annual report -referring to 2019- of Dial 100, a reporting channel maintained by the Ministry of Women, Family and Human Rights, only 18% of sexual violence records against Brazilian children and adolescents referred to male victims. The underreporting of abuse against boys becomes even greater during adolescence. While 46% of cases affect female victims between the ages of 12 and 17, the proportion of boys in the same age group who report is only 9%.

“Because of our patriarchal and macho culture, there is a stigmatization of boys who suffer sexual abuse,” says Flávio Debique, child protection and advocacy manager at the NGO Plan International Brazil, which works to prevent violence against children. “It’s as if the abuse removes the boy’s masculinity. For fear of the son being seen as homosexual, the family prefers not to report it.”

After revealing his story, the comedian received a call from a friend, telling of having been a victim of similar abuse, and was the target of attacks on social networks that debauched his sexuality. “When a boy is abused, there are people who say: ‘Oh, you’re a bigot, you took it because you liked it. I heard this a lot. There is a fear of ridicule, of homophobic insults. Abusers “still use this trickery as a way to embarrass the victim,” he recalled. “The abuser is protected, in the end. I tried to set a limit to attacks on social media, out of respect for other people who have also suffered abuse.”

According to a survey produced by Quebrar o Silêncio, cases like Adnet’s fit the average age at which adult males decide to seek psychological support to deal with trauma in their youth. “Most of the men who come to us suffered abuse between 20 and 30 years ago,” says Ângelo Fernandes.

“Sexual violence in childhood is a deeply traumatic experience for the child. She may spend her life expecting other people to do the same. However, it is not a lifetime invoice,” he warns. According to him, with specialized intervention, it is possible to minimize the symptoms and provide tools for the victim to deal with the trauma.

Another study by the Portuguese association estimates that one in every six men was a victim of some kind of sexual abuse or harassment before the age of 18.
Educational campaigns and victim support

One of the most remarkable episodes of Survivors Manchester, the inspiration behind Quebrar o Silêncio, was its action during the sexual abuse scandal in English soccer. The entity not only took in hundreds of victims of a network of pedophile coaches, but also helped close a million-dollar deal with Manchester City, which pledged to pay compensation to men who were abused by former professionals at the club.

Accusations came to light in 2016 after former City defender Andy Woodward described to The Guardian the abuse committed by his former coach, Barry Bennell, who was sentenced to more than 30 years in prison for molesting 52 athletes under the age of 13.

“Sexual abuse of boys is very common, even more so in soccer,” Woodward told EL PAÍS. “There are different reasons why a boy or a girl won’t disclose what they’ve suffered. It’s hard for everyone. But in the case of boys, there is a huge taboo. Male children have a harder time talking about it. Many think: ‘Nobody will listen to me because I am a boy, I must behave like a man. And that’s embarrassing for me. This is something that I felt. The abuser exerts power and control. His impact on a child’s life is terrifying.”

Due to the pain digested in silence, Woodward said he attempted suicide several times, an extreme, yet not-so-rare consequence for victims of abuse. In 2017 in the United States, the death of former field hockey player David Gove from a heroin overdose uncovered the secret he had kept for more than two decades.

Gove was molested over three years by his first coach, Robert Richardson. He told his mother about the abuse when he was 12, but they preferred not to report the coach for fear of stalling his career ascent. In 2005, Richardson was accused of abusing another boy. He was eventually acquitted in the case, which caused Gove to go into depression.

As soon as his field hockey career ended, he filed a complaint against Richardson and even gave a statement to the court in 2014. However, the case was dismissed after his death. Richardson never spoke about the allegations, but his defense claimed in court that he is innocent.

The former player’s story resembles that of Chester Bennington, lead singer of the band Linkin Park, who, three months after the overdose that victimized Gove, was found dead in his Southern California home. He committed suicide after long years of struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction. The trigger for his drug use, as he reported in interviews before his death, was the abuse he had suffered at the age of seven from an older friend.

As if the cultural barriers that perpetuate silencing were not enough, breaking the taboo around the sexual abuse of male victims is still hampered by institutional limitations. Until 2009, for example, Brazilian legislation did not consider men as rape victims. Before the change in the Penal Code, which reformed article 213 from “force a woman” to “force someone, by violence or serious threat, to have carnal intercourse or to perform or allow another libidinous act to be performed with him,” the rape of men was framed as assault and battery, with lesser penalties.

Despite the change in the law, the idea that only women are victims of sexual abuse is still ingrained even in public agencies. In 2018, the Ministry of Sports, in partnership with the National Secretariat of Policies for Women (SPM), launched a campaign to combat sexual violence against athletes, with no mention of male athletes.

“The program aims to draw society’s attention to harassment and violence against women,” said then-Sports Minister Leonardo Picciani at the program launch. The year before, an EL PAÍS report had registered that at least 48 boys had denounced harassment and abuse in soccer schools and clubs.

The lack of specific shelters for male victims also contributes to discourage denunciations. In Brazil, cases of abuse and rape are usually directed to specialized police stations for women or for the protection of children and adolescents. Some states, such as the Federal District, have invested in the Specialty Centers for Attention to Persons in Situations of Sexual, Family and Domestic Violence (Cepavs). However, without establishing a focus on the male public.

“A network that distinguishes between women and men may keep some men away. It is necessary to identify these centers as places of support for the victim. But, besides reformulating the service, it is necessary to have a big educational campaign. If information doesn’t reach men, they will never know who to turn to,” explains Ângelo Fernandes.

In Portugal, Quebrar o Silêncio has a government subsidy to provide free services to dozens of victims and also collaborates with associations in other countries. According to its founder, the institution has already been approached by non-governmental entities to reproduce the initiative in Brazil. The talks, however, have not advanced. The first step, Ângelo insists, is to attack the culture of silence.

“It sounds simple, but we have to repeat the basics until society understands once and for all that men and boys are also victims of sexual abuse. They need to know that they can ask for help.”

Source: El País