Reinventing Sex on First Post-Pandemic Dates: What’s Safe Beyond ‘Sexting’?

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – We don’t truly lose social life during confinement, we virtualize it. Courting became a video call, and birthdays were left to be remembered in video edits with friends. Sex also became virtual.

Many were already used to sexting and many others made their debut in sending spicy videos and photos. But with the gradual return to normalcy, and to courting on the balcony, we still don’t know if traditional sex will be part of dating again.

The coronavirus has created a social gap in terms of sex: on the one hand, there are couples who live together and are able to carry on with their sex life; on the other, there are couples who are apart or single and have had to reinvent themselves in recent months.

“If your sexual partner lives with you during quarantine, both have been isolated for over 14 days and neither has symptoms, there is no reason against such a healthy practice,” stresses sexologist Zoraida Granados.

But “if you don’t meet these requirements and are not absolutely sure that you have not been exposed to the virus, you should take different measures.” Does this leave us down to virtual sex or can we already consider other alternatives?

A new concept of safe sex

Safe sex no longer means wearing a condom. Now it means wearing a mask, too. “Although wearing a mask may represent an element that alters the eroticism of the relationship, it can be a very effective safety measure to avoid infection, particularly during penetration or games involving special physical contact,” explains Carlos San Martín Blanco, coordinator of the Sexology group of the Spanish Society of Primary Care Physicians.

So, does wearing a mask ensure safe sex? Not exactly. The key is closeness. According to the expert, we could say that “all those sexual practices and games where there is no particularly close contact or extreme closeness, mainly face to face, would be less risky”.

All this while respecting another key measure of social contact: washing one’s hands. “A bath beforehand is also highly recommended, whether the contact is with our usual partner or with an occasional partner”. Finally, the coronavirus crisis does not exempt us from the traditional measures either. Wearing a condom is more important than ever.

The genital fluid debate

We know that kissing is forbidden because saliva is contagious. So all we can do is have sex “Pretty Woman” style. However, there are certain questions about which other fluids we should avoid.

As the Mayo Clinic reported, “at the moment, there is no evidence that Covid-19 is transmitted through semen or vaginal fluids, but the virus has been detected in the semen of people who have recovered or are recovering from the virus”.

This means that although there is no evidence of infection, there is no evidence otherwise either. That’s why wearing a condom is once again a must. Not only in vaginal penetration but also in anal penetration, since experts recall that the presence of the virus was detected in the feces.

The use of a condom or a mouth barrier during oral sex is also recommended. In the case of cunnilingus, it is usually useful to cut a condom in half and place it over the vulva. As for anilingus, it’s best to leave it aside for now.

The Spanish Ministry of Health has recently published a guide on “key aspects for the prevention of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases in the relaxation of Covid-19 confinement”.

The guide points out that the novel coronavirus, SARS-CoV-2, “has not yet been detected in vaginal fluids, but is present in saliva, semen, and feces. Although there is currently no evidence of transmission through saliva, semen, or feces, the document recommends that measures be taken to avoid contact with these fluids and/or fecal matter”, emphasizing the importance of protective barrier methods.

In addition, in relation to oral sex, there is another issue raised: contact with saliva. Once again, the Mayo Clinic recalls that an intimate partner can become infected with the virus by touching certain surfaces “and then touching the mouth, nose or eyes”. Not that it’s the most common, but certainly a sex session would not seem the best time to focus on not touching our own face afterward.

It’s best to avoid temptation and place barriers. After all, genital infections are also possible during oral sex, which could be prevented by wearing a condom.

So, what can we do?

In sex, we typically regard any limitation as an issue. Sexologists love to see them as new opportunities. Okay, maybe we can’t do everything that comes to mind naturally, but when we decide to innovate, good ideas come up too.

For Leticia García Castelló, this is the moment to put into practice many of the things we imagined during long sexting sessions, but now in person: “If we talk about how much we would like to caress someone’s breasts, now we can do that”.

Massages and caresses, which seem to lie in the background after so long without skin-to-skin contact, can be great features. Provided we do not come face to face and keep a certain distance. We can even use elements like massagers, feathers, or whips if we want to try new things.

Another option is that we touch ourselves, for the sexual pleasure of our partner. “Masturbating in front of your partner can be very exciting,” points out García Castelló. In addition to being instructive.

When choosing a mid-term, distance sex but live, the sexologist also suggests using sex toys with remote control for stimulating the partner, although not with our own hands. “There are toys in which the person holding the remote control can command and feel the toy’s vibrations introduced in the other person”.

Thus, both people are involved. Obviously, we should always take great care of toy hygiene and not share them with different partners.

If, in the end, we cannot bear the urge to penetrate, the sexologist suggests the well-known “coronasutra”. A set of positions for penetration by maintaining a certain distance. It is not a zero-risk practice, because whenever there is proximity there is a risk of contagion, but it consists of reducing this risk as much as possible. To do so, “it is important not to stand face to face and resort to back positions”.

Like the well-known doggy-fashion position. All of this always wearing a mask and a condom. “Which are elements that, far from cutting off our drive, can also be erotized.” Again, it’s all about using your imagination and your will.

Also sexologist Zoraida Granados insists that if closer contact occurs, safety measures must be reinforced as much as possible. “You must wash your hands before and after, wash any toy before and after using it, avoid kissing and avoid oral-anal contact”, in addition to taking a bath both before and after sexual intercourse.

Choose well with whom

Finally, Granados points out that we have to be careful not only with our practices but also with the partner we choose to perform them. “Do not have sexual relations if you or your partner is unwell or part of the risk group, or if the partner does not belong to your usual environment”.

The coronavirus has not changed us as much as we claim and, as always, there are still people responsible for their sexuality, and others not so much.

Leticia García Castelló reports that, based on what she sees in her office, “there are people who seem to be sure that soap water, masks, and hand sanitizer are enough to have sexual intercourse. Others are fully aware of the risks that the games we played before the pandemic may entail, so they are more cautious and seek alternative options”.

The real risk depends on the group we believe we are in as well as our possible partner.

Source: El País